good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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