Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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