So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
