Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize