I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
