dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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