I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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