Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
