I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
