Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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