Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
