Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
