my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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