Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
