If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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