We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
