You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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