if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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