they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
