the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
