no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
