I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
