Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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