on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You took a bar mat shot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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