Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've blown a few things in my day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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