yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
