so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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