I will die if light touches me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
