I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
