This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize