my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
