woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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