I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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