I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
