He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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