batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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