Plan B is the new Plan A
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
