ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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