Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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