It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
