Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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