In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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