Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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