We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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