He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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