my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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