Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your penis caused this!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
