How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
