my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
