What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
