My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
