You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
