you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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