Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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