Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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