I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
