Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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