i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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