I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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